Thursday, August 30, 2007

Poker is a Strange Game

It seems as though everytime we gather around the coffee table (or down at the pub) for a game of hold'ems, the exact same thing happens to me. I lose. But not only that, I lose in the exact same way every time. I start off slowly loosing all my chips, a few minor wins here and there, then going all in on a no-hoper and winning several bucketloads of chips in the process. This invariably leads to over-confidence, and what do you think happens over the next 5 minutes to my collection of chips? I shall explain in pictorial form:

What keeps me going back week after week is the neverending hope to break out of this cycle. It's still the best game ever of course!

Onto more pressing matters at hand. I firmly believe that the tenants down the road who partied late into the night on Tuesday night should be charged with terrorism. Seriously, who parties on a TUESDAY? The week is still going uphill? And poor me, who has to endure 3 hours of multivariable calculus at 9am the next day, is forced to lay in bed and listen to drunken merriment all night long. I wouldn't mind so much even if the music was decent... but I think I heard the likes of Pink and Britney in the mix, which wanted me to drive a toothpick into my ears and turn my eardrums into chutney. Having said that, my friend deciding that the music for our last party being "the 80s", could have qualified for such chutneyfying of the eardrums.

Speaking of aural torture, I proceeded to take photographic evidence of the lunar eclipse the other night, only to be surrounded at the park by a coven of pagans, ceremonial dress and all, banging bongos, shaking tamberines, and blowing random notes on their 2nd-grade freebie recorders, all the while dancing in circles singing incoherantly. Now, tolerant as I may be of other peoples beliefs, it was damn well amusing to watch. So amusing i nearly missed the slip into totallity. Drove the dogs crazy too. Alas, I headed home when I realised that a gang of Catholics wasn't going to storm the ritual like a holy crusade. One of these days it will happen, and my smirky wishes for a Catholic vs Neo-Pagan bloodbath will ensue. I think I might open my own backyard fighting circle, kinda like cockfights, but without the birds. I'll put $50 on the reconstructionists to win over the roman sect, thanks! But then again, not only am i nearly certain that bloodsports are against my tenancy agreement, but I do not want some Wiccan council or the Vatican [eh, same difference really] raiding my domicile. But it might amuse the Mexicans.

Alright, I am going to make like a tree and get the fuck out of here!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

C'est La Lune

Well, I'm not quite sure about the rest of you, but I believe that c0mandr and I excelled ourselves with the superfluous entertainment we provided last night for your viewing pleasure. I trust that you were all completely enamored by our display of Lunar Manipulation and I hope that now you have an understanding of the sheer potency of our combined power.

I stumbled across a paragraph today which I have decided to share with you all, for it is what c0mandr and I hope you will be able to relate to in the coming months of regularly visiting this page.

"My earliest aesthetic experience revolved around a small, clear plastic bottle of green-apple bubble-bath. To my parents a casually accepted free sample at the supermarket, it was to me a jewel that I discovered while my mother was giving me a bath. I was held in thrall by its endless greenness, its unctuous ooze, its divine smell. It left me dumb with pleasure."

'Dumb with pleasure' is indeed what we are hoping you will experience from the incessant ramblings and splinters of sheer verbal ingenuity spewing forth from our collective minds.

To share with you another quote, this time not aimed at you, but rather at myself, perhaps giving you further insight to my insanity, I leave you with this.

"My other earliest memory is vague, no more than a distant feeling that I can sometimes seize, most often not. Being so dimly remembered, perhaps it came first. I became aware of a voice inside my head. What is this, I wondered. Who are you, voice? When will you shut up? I remember a feeling of fright. It was only later that I realized that this voice was my own thinking, that this moment of anguish was my first inkling that I was a ceaseless monologue trapped within myself."

- Miss ~K~ x.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Beware, all ye who enter, for here there be Dragons!

14th Century AD: The Renaissance brings with it an age of cultural and scientific enlightenment
1949: The United States of America drops the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, killing hundreds of thousands.
1969: Man takes his first steps on the Moon, ushering in a new age of scientific achievement
1987: Pop singer Rick Astley releases his hit single "Never Gonna Give You Up", which sets in motion a string of events which leads to internet users everywhere being Rickrolled.
2001: Terrorists fly hijacked airliners into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, changing the political face of the earth for many years to come.
2007: Arsenic and Jubilation goes live. The above events are about to become as insignificant as the sneeze of a Mongolian woman hopped up on steroids and barley sugar.

August 28, 2007. A date which shall live in infamy. Unbeknownst to most of the human race, a rift formed in the space time continuum somewhere over Zimbabwe, and a little blog from another dimension slipped into our universe. It wandered for some time (entire seconds passed), before a couple of diabolical geniuses stumbled upon the hapless journal and decided to use it as an outlet for their undeniable insanity, warping its very existence to the point of being insane itself. It is this outlet that now explodes onto your screen as the epic that is Arsenic and Jubilation.

Hailing from an un-named country which may or may not have once been home to her co-blogging partner, Katherine has been combating a life fraught with addiction. Managing to overcome the worst of them, she is still very attracted to Jack Daniels and manages to find the time to indulge in the same on a regular basis. She has aspirations to study both Psychology and Sexology in order to understand herself better and gain even more engaging skills in the bedroom. She is eloquent, loquacious and purely insatiable and we just know that you will stick around so that you can bask in the insanity created by this dynamic duo.

Long ago abandoning what was offered by the Island state, Cameron has taken Sydney by storm. Under the guise of being an Engineering student, he is working for the man and scabbing from Centrelink, whilst playing guitar and xbox, wasting time on the internet, and bludging in the city. Photography is one thing that keeps his otherwise wandering attention, as is drinking to near excess whenever the situation calls for it. His lifelong dream is to be the proud owner of his very own blog in which to post his innermost- oh wait... Lifelong dream achieved! This is cause for a celebratory binge drinking session! /reaches for a beer

Whether you have esteemed Beer, Jacks or Arsenic to be your poison of choice. we invite you to grab a pint of it (thats right, a pint you lightweights), and settle in for a roller coaster ride into Oblivion.

Are you questioning our ability to surpass all of the aforementioned historical dates? Well, allow us to show you an example of the strength of our combined powers by making the Moon vanish... be watching now, but don't wander too far away, or you might miss out on our next trick ;).

c0mandr + Miss ~K~