Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Euphamisms: A Study of the Futile,the Pointless, and the just plain Wrong.

Euphemism is the substitution of an agreeable or less offensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant to the listener; or in the case of doublespeak, to make it less troublesome for the speaker. (Relentlessly wrenched from the bowels of Wikipedia)

It is my opinion that the person who invented the concept of the euphamism needs to die. If (s)he is already dead, they need to be exhumed, brought back to life, and killed again. It is a sad fact that they exist, sugar coating the very words that usually make people stand up and pay attention.

A primary example of this lies in a realm that up until now has been cautiously avoided by the crew here at Arsenic and Jubilation. I speak of politics. I was enjoying an Oktoberfest celebration at the university watering hole last week, when we were approached - very nonchalantly I might add - by an individual who wanted to preach to us the virtues of socialism. I snickered quietly to myself and sat back, disinterested, while my companion decided to engage this stain upon the free market in conversation. I tuned out, listening to the entertainment around us as she blah blah'd on, tuning in occasionally to hear her talking about chair factories, planned economics, and the like. What made me emit an audible snort was when she defined socialism as 'communism, but with all the negative connotations removed'

Hah! Yes, because you can simply remove every bad reference to an ideology simply by calling it something else. I know! Let's rename Nazism to nationalism! There! The Holocaust never took place! I made it all better! Fuck off.

My point isn't really that socialism is bad. I believe it is, but if there is one thing that this writer has learned, it is to keep his political opinion to himself. My point is that anyone who preys on the ignorant by sugarcoating their extemist political views fancy new words needs to die a slow and painful death.


Monday, October 15, 2007

L.F.F. The New LG.

Dear followers,

I apologize for my absence in the last fortnight/month, I had been planning to keep making three to four posts a week whilst on my holiday but more pressing matters, such as global warming and being economical with water, were keeping me pre-occupied. (And not in the way that you might be thinking).

One of the more interesting pieces of news I have to share with you this evening, is my plans to relocate my mars base. To Sydney. To be with c0mander. Well, actually, I always did have plans to move off the island in search of studious opportunities, but never once entertained the idea that love might be found along the way, but thats exactly what has happened. Its only right really, after having this here blog child together, that we forge a relationship so that it has a loving and caring environment in which to gr... now I'm sounding like a sap. Moving on.

So yes, I will be returning to the island within the next fortnight to finalize a few things and gather my references and have many a farewell beer before returning at the end of the month, to seek work- both of us will spend our christmas in Tasmania with respective family members and then we will return together, to NSW, hopefully for good. (Well, my degree will take me approximately seven years... so I'll be here for a while anyway ;) )

This should provide you all with a brand new calibre of material oozing from Arsenic and Jubilation once we get our new mars base established, as you'll have the combined brain power of two diabolical geniuses, working together to bring you entertainment of gigantic proportions.

In other news, I am selling copious amounts of my belongings to fund the relocation of said mars base. The actual truth is that I am selling off all of my posessions to increase the dwindling dollars in the beer fund... but you need not know that, all you need to know is that you, dear reader, want to buy my shit. For my shit, is the shit. End of story.

I have also decided that TAFE Tasmania can find a rather large hole in which to bury itself in. Prior to that, it should coat itself in kerosene while I throw matches at it. Prior to that, it should be given to a blind person with a meat mallet, with the request "honey, could you pound the meat for dinner please?". Prior to that, it should be taken bungee jumping, but not given a cord. You may or may not be getting the idea that I dislike TAFE Tasmania at the moment, and probably will forever. TAFE Tasmania in all of their glory (which isn't all that much) decided to unenroll my genious self (Yes, can you believe that?), from my course, because I chose a holiday in Sydney over completing the work they were making me redo after they lost my originals.

You see, when faced with a decision like I was, of completing work I had already completed, again, just because some incompetant staff members misplaced my work and could not remember where they put it, or going on a holiday for 2-3 weeks, to a place a hell of a lot warmer than Tasmania, to research studious opportunities and hang out with an even-sexier-diabolical-genious-than-I, really, I ask you, what choice did I have?

Taking the obvious choice, I stayed in Tasmania and comple... No, not really.

But really, to hell with TAFE, because the University even turned their nose up at my past two years at TAFE, as it was not a diploma level, it matters not to them.

Perhaps, if they had not lost my work, I wouldn't have been so disheartened with them and would have forced myself to finish my year before going on my holiday, which might have meant that I would not be in the seriously happy place that I am now. LG have got it all wrong. Its not Lifes Good. Its LFF, Lifes Fucking Fantastic. That is all.