Saturday, September 1, 2007

Today brings with it an epiphany.

"I wasn't meant to be a lady of the 21st century, I was meant to be a mongol warlord"

Some 800 years ago, a fearsome and charismatic warrior named Temujin united the nomadic tribes of Mongolia, in 1206 he assumed the title of Ghengis Khan.
I am sure that I do not need to remind you all that I am both fearsome and charismatic, not to mention beautiful, intelligent, captivating, alluring, creative and above all, incredibly modest. Oh, and I'm a woman and never wrong.


It could be said that the K in "Miss ~K~" does not refer to the fact that my name is possibly Katherine, but is actually a reference to me being a Khan. The first female Khan at that, because up until now, all other females who applied for such status, fell short; 5cm too short infact. Mongol warlords were well known for their pillaging and plundering as are pirates and I spent many an intarweb year as a pirate wench aboard The Salty Mouthful. But alas, for that is a story for another time, and likely another place.

These days, Mongol warlords are much better known for laughing inappropriately at inopportune moments.

This guide , although it may make no specific reference to Mongol warlords, most definitely is worth reading - especially if you are a Mongol warlord, or if you are just suffering from inappropriate laughter.

"Laughing at other people (particularly strangers) can make them quite angry. If you feel the urge to laugh at someone who is trying to be serious with you, use any and all of the techniques listed to avoid laughing. The pain you save may be your own (especially if you laugh at someone you don't know well). Most people are able to deal with being laughed at, but some are very sensitive about it."

Some scenarios are worse than others when comparing occasions on which one has inappropriately laughed.

Should you have a cat loving best friend who has recently killed his prize winning kitten by shutting it in the fridge door, like as is shown below; its probably not a good time to laugh.

Being the Mongol warlord that I am, I verily proceeded to roll around on the floor for a good five minutes in hysterics.

Something more acceptable to be laughing inappropriately at, is the 'failed reverse park...#307' which always ends in hysterics as one of two things will happen. Either the driver will try multiple times and succeed after a period of 30 minutes or more, or the driver will try multiple times and give up, driving off to find a more suitable parking space (like an open air field). No matter which of these two outcomes, you can almost guarantee most people will laugh, regardless of whether they are a Mongol warlord or otherwise.

Youtube has some excellent examples of failed parking, even more so if you put the word 'woman' in your search options. Yes, I am allowed to make women driving jokes, as I am legally unable to drive.
Something to do with previously killing several pedestrians made them revoke my license. I can't help it if I had a complete GTA moment...

Sometimes laughing is not inappropriate, but completely warranted. Below is a good example.

Ultimately I think we have decided that even though my status as a Mongol warlord entitles me to continue laughing inappropriately at things, I should really add it to my list.

I bet you are most curious now as to what the other 16 points on this list are, but that, my friends, is something you'll just have to stick around to find out ;)